Over 10 years ago I learned of my husband’s addiction to porn and sex. I had no idea this was something he was struggling with. Obviously, this completely devastated me and left me feeling like everything in my life was completely out of control. As we started seeing a therapist and I joined a support group, I was introduced to the concept of boundaries. I really had no idea what it meant to set boundaries and initially it sounded pretty selfish.
A question I ask (and get asked) a lot is, “How are you feeling?” I remember once when I asked this question to a guy that we will call Zach. After he completed a lengthy Step 4 inventory, I asked, “Zach, how do you feel?” He said, “I feel fine. To be honest, I’ve always been an easy-going person. I don’t get emotional often. I certainly never cry.” I could barely gather my thoughts when he said this. It was as if somebody brought out a mirror, stuck it in my face and said, “Sound familiar, Clark?”
As this is published (in the Fall of 2018), my husband and I have been in recovery for over a year now. If you had told me then what my life would look like today, I wouldn’t have believed you. Continue reading Recovery: A Spouse’s Experience, part 3 – What Life is Like Now
The sickening reality of betrayal can feel hopeless. After years of living in fear and anxiety, connected to my husband’s addiction, I became exhausted. I just couldn’t do it anymore.
What happened with my husband’s addiction was painful, hard, and unfair. My story may look and sound different than another person’s—circumstances can vary slightly or drastically. Continue reading Recovery: A Spouse’s Experience, part 1 – What Life Was Like
“People don’t need just sympathy, and shaming never helped anyone. However, empathy is the full embodiment of truth and compassion, and helps heal hurting hearts.”
-Mike Foster, People of the Second Chance
I am literally sitting here, in front of my computer, trying to get every last bit of freshly baked muffin off of the wrapper while I sip my coffee and try to put into words the frustration, anger, sadness and hopelessness it is to be me right now.
In our last post we began looking at the unintentional damage that takes place in many pastors’ offices, when wives of porn/sex addicts are encouraged that their husbands’ problems might get better if only they were more sexually available. The first two things ministry leaders who counsel couples need to understand about sexual addiction are:
Our friend Sandy Pepin has written a post for her blog (www.crookedhousewife.com) on talking to your kids about pornography. It’s a great article, and we wanted to make sure more people saw it.. Continue reading How to Talk to Your Kids About Porn
Christmas is a great time of the year. In fact, some might say (or sing) that it’s the most wonderful time of the year. You know, jingle-belling, mistle-toeing, etc. It’s great. Continue reading It’s The Most Triggering Time of the Year
“God, grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.”
How many times have we heard these words? Whether on TV or in a movie, or spoken by a friend or loved one in recovery, or even as we’ve said them ourselves. Continue reading From Chaos to Serenity