When we sat down with Cathy Loerzel on a recent episode of What We Really Want, one of the first things she said stopped us in our tracks.
“Healing is not about eliminating suffering. It’s about learning how to be present to it.”
That sentence lingers because most of us approach healing as a way to get rid of pain. We think, “If I can just get past this memory or this season, I’ll finally be free.” But Cathy challenged us to consider something different. Healing doesn’t erase the ache of old wounds; it transforms the way we hold them.
For many of us, that starts with how we tell our stories. We tend to stay vague: “My dad was angry.” “My mom wasn’t around much.” But Cathy reminded us that those broad strokes don’t bring healing. They keep us at arm’s length from what actually shaped us. She invited us to Story Work, where with support we tell our stories in detail. Not simply the facts, like, “My dad was angry,” but a story that takes us to the event, like:
“I was seven years old, wearing my favorite dress. Dad walked in, his face red, his voice booming. I froze, and all I felt was shame. I wanted to disappear.”
That kind of remembering is risky—it makes us feel small and exposed again. But Cathy pointed out that our bodies already carry those memories. They’re not gone. They show up in so many ways: how we react to criticism, in why we avoid conflict, in difficulty accepting love without suspicion, etc.
Story Work is about letting those hidden places come into the light. And the gift, Cathy reminded us, is that once our stories are spoken with that kind of honesty, they can finally be met with compassion. Someone else can say, “You didn’t deserve that. You’re not alone anymore.”
That moment—when shame meets empathy—can be the beginning of real healing.
Our conversation with Cathy reminded us that telling our stories is not a luxury. It’s not navel-gazing or unnecessary dwelling on the past. It’s a lifeline. Because if we don’t engage our stories, they continue to run our lives from the shadows. But when we do, we begin to live with a new kind of freedom, no longer hiding from ourselves. for their spouses, this rhythm of forgiveness may feel exhausting. Yet it is also where hope begins. Forgiveness does not erase accountability—it creates space for both partners to become new people, building something different from the ashes of the past.
Listen to the full conversation with Cathy on What We Really Want to hear more about honesty in telling our stories, and how that helps us walk through suffering toward healing.
